The Afterlife of Billy Fingers

One of the first books I read when I started researching consciousness was a book called The Afterlife of Billy Fingers by Annie Kagan. Let me share a summary and some amazing quotes from the book.

Annie was a chiropractor in New York City, and started meditating due to the stress of her job. The side-effect of the meditation is that she became more sensitive, which propelled her to leave the noisy city life for a quiet house on the Long Island shore by herself. She continued meditating for hours everyday and writing music. She explains that this prepared her for what would come next.

The book begins with Annie receiving a call from the police stating that her brother, William Cohen had been hit by a car at two-thirty in the morning and that he was dead. They said that he was coming from the emergency room at South Miami Hospital, was drunk, and ran out onto the highway.

Annie talks about her complicated relationship with her brother throughout the book. She was always trying to be the "good girl", the responsible one, and had to bail him out of different situations as they got older. In fourth grade, she says her parents explained to her that Billy had a "heroin addiction". Billy is described as a "bad-boy saint" throughout the book. He was never trying to hurt anyone, and he was quite charming, but he also had a side to him that struggled with addiction and sometimes jail.

Annie wakes up three weeks after her brother dies and it is her birthday. She says the following, "Just before sunrise, as I was waking up, I heard someone calling my name from above me. 'Annie! Annie! It's me! It's me! It's Billy!'" She heard his voice clearly calling to her. He tells Annie to get up and grab a notebook to start writing what he says.

Billy goes on to explain to her what it's like to die. He says the following, "The first thing that happens is bliss; at least it was like that in my case. I don't know if it's that way for everyone who dies. As the car hit me, this energy came and sucked me right out of my body into a higher realm. I say 'higher' since I had the feeling of rising up and suddenly all my pain was gone. I don't remember hovering over my body or looking down on it or anything like that. I guess I was pretty anxious to get out of there. I knew right away I was dead, and went with it, more than ready for whatever was waiting. I wasn't aware of traveling at any particular speed. I just felt light and unburdened as the sucking motion drew me up inside a chamber of thick silvery blue lights. People who have near-death experiences sometimes say they went through a tunnel. I'm using the word 'chamber' because a tunnel has sides, no matter what direction I looked, there was nothing but light for as far as I could see. Maybe the difference is I had a one-way ticket and theirs was a round-trip. And even though I didn't have my body anymore, if felt like I did and that it was being healed. The lights in the chamber penetrated me and made me feel better and better as they pulled me up. It wasn't just the wounds from my car accident that were being healed. In the first nanosecond that the lights touched me, they erased any harm I suffered during my lifetime: physical, mental, emotional, or otherwise."

Billy goes on to explain that his father was there waiting for him and it was like a big party for him. He then says the following, "Try not to take death too seriously. As a matter of fact, try not to take life too seriously. You'd enjoy yourself a lot more. That's one of the secrets of life. You want to know another secret? Saying goodbye isn't as serious as it seems either, because we will meet again."

Annie goes through the whole rigmarole of doubting the experience and thinking she's making it up. Then five days after her birthday, as the sun is rising in her bedroom, she hears Billy's voice again. He says the following, "I was done with my life, Annie. I paid my debt, although it's not what we usually think of as payment. It wasn't some price for my so-called sins. It was more a learning thing. How do I know my life wasn't some punishment for my past transgressions? Well, because there's no such thing. You're not on earth to be punished. It's not about sin and punishment. That's a human concept. Something man made up. Humans make up stuff and then they believe it. Sure, there's a lot of pain in life, but not because you've done anything to deserve it. Here's another secret for you, baby sister. Pain is just part of the human experience, as natural as breath or eyesight, or blood moving through your veins. Pain is part of the earth deal, so don't be overly concerned about it. Although I admit I wasn't exactly fond of pain myself." Billy also explains to Annie that he wants them to write a book together and that he will prove to her that this experience of hearing him is very real.

Billy provides evidential signs throughout the book to prove to Annie that he is real. For example, Billy tells Annie to call her friend Tex. He says the following, "Call Tex and say 'Show me the money'". Annie calls her friend and tells her the message. Tex explains that she was talking to Billy and asked him for a sign. Then later in the day, Tex came home and was dancing in front of the mirror, saying over and over, "Show me the money". Billy works with Annie's friends to give her the signs, so that Annie knows this is not just in her own head.

Throughout the book, Billy shares with Annie what he is experiencing in the spirit realm. At one point, he discusses his life review with Annie. He says that he watches all the details of his life including the what ifs. He explains that he can look at the points in his life where it could have taken a different course and watch what would have happened. Then he says the following, "It's funny. They say there's a Judgement Day after you die, but actually the opposite is true. There's No-Judgement Day. Viewing my life has become surprisingly enjoyable because I have an absolute acceptance of myself and everything I've done. It would have been nice if I'd been able to have this attitude when I was alive, but I guess I wasn't that advanced. You'd have to be like the Buddha to be that advanced. I guess when you receive real love, when someone loves you unconditionally, I guess you begin to feel that way towards yourself. Unconditional."

And here's a quote from the book that I really like, "And here's another secret for you, my sister. There is no right way for things to turn out. Some endings are happier, some not so happy, but it's not just the happiness percentage that matters. It's the music of it. Most people's lives don't have enough music. I was lucky; my life was a rock opera." This key point keeps coming up throughout the book. From the human perspective Billy looked like he was struggling in life and maybe he was; however, he explains that he was living life to the fullest on his own terms and that's what our soul wants.

Throughout the book we find out more about Billy's life. Five years prior to his death, he went to Margarita Island in Venezuela and started a sports betting operation. He called himself Billy Fingers, hence the title of the book, because one of his fingers was missing the tip due to an accident. He became an alcoholic and things got very dark and dangerous for Billy in Venezuela. Annie was able to find someone that was familiar with South America to find her brother and bring him back to the US.

Billy explains why he signed up for certain things that happened in his life. He says the following, "We're meant to engage in all kinds of things on earth, things that don't make sense from a human point of view. So take a moment before you judge your fellow man too harshly. A lot of people judged me, but I was dealing with circumstances I had signed up to explore before I was born." He then goes on to say, "Why I chose to walk my particular path on earth is beyond human understanding. Why would anyone go down that road? Well, for me, the drama of my drug addiction was one of the most interesting parts of my life. It was a very important struggle. And in my case, losing prepared me for a big win. I couldn't know it then, but my ordeal on earth was getting me ready for what was to come." Billy is exactly right, who are we to judge anyone else's life, we have no idea about their path.

Here are some more Cosmic Secrets Billy shares in the book,

• "Don't be overly concerned about how you look in the eyes of others. People will pretty much see you as they will. Play your part in the cosmic drama, but never forget, baby that you choose the way you see yourself. Don't let others do the casting." Can't get better advice than that, right?

• "If there's one thing worth doing on your planet, it's discovering self-love. I say 'discovering' instead of 'learning' because learning implies you're starting from zero; but the truth is, you already love yourself. When you're born, when the amnesia happens, you forget your magnificence, and think you have to earn the right to be loved. How can you earn what already belongs to you?"

• "Remember this, my darling, remember this. What you achieve on earth is only a small part of the deal. If there's a secret I could whisper, and that you could keep, it would be that it's all inside you already. Every single thing you need. Earth is just a stopover. A kind of game. Make it a star game. If I could give you a gift, it would be to teach you how to stay free inside that game, to find the glory inside yourself, beyond the roles and the drama, so you can dance the dance of the game of life with a little more rhythm, a little more abandon, a little more shaking-those-hips."

• "Before each soul comes to earth, its own personal edition of the Book of Life is written. Life on your planet is about dramas that change you. Isn't it funny that most people are scared of change, when changing is the double fudge frosting on top of the cake of life? And although much of your life is planned out, there's a lot of freedom inside that plan. The circumstances are like lines in a kid's coloring book, but instead of ink the lines are penciled in; they're erasable. As you color in the spaces, you influence the lines."

Annie explains that throughout the communication with her brother, their interactions go through different stages as he moves deeper into the spirit realm. At first she hears him clearly with her ears. Then as he takes a formless state in the spirit realm, he shows up as a blue-gold orb of light and his words are more drawn out. As he goes deeper into the spirit realm, she can hear him through the top of her head. Then, as he explains that he returns back into a form in the spirit realm, she sees glimpses of him. So we can see in the book how the stage and depth of where he is in the spirit realm affects the communication between them across the dimensions.

Annie also grapples with sharing her experiences with the world in a book. Billy explains to her that it may open people's minds to a different perspective and this is important, it is up to the individual to take it or leave it. He says, "I want to help you and others expand your consciousness. Make a quantum leap. It means that the way you see something can actually change that something. The experiment you're so fond of, Schrödinger's Cat, is about quantum. Basically, it postulates that how you observe something changes that something. Quantum usually applies to subatomic particles, not to people. But people are actually vast universes of subatomic particles, and sometimes a shift in perspective makes the particles do a different dance, leap into a new reality. That's why I'm saying viewpoint is everything. Okay, not everything, but a lot." This is actually what my spirit guide said to me in a channeling when I asked him if I should share what I've learned. He told me that I should share my perspective, not to change people's minds for that is an empty pursuit, but if I speak what is true for me it provides an opening for someone to see things from a different perspective.

You can see that I could go on and on about this book but I'll try to keep this post from getting too long. Note that you can also find this book on the library Libby app if you are interested in reading it. I'll end the post with a quote from the book about the purpose of this Earthly life, "Why would a soul forget its high origins, clothe itself in a body, and leave the Higher Worlds for the more difficult earth? Well, my darling, because the soul loves experience and doesn't fear suffering. The soul knows it can never be injured. This doesn't mean it isn't natural for people to prefer pleasure over pain. That's part of the plan. And until you've left your world, you'll never fully understand all the whys and wherefores."

Here is an interview with Annie Kagan if you like to listen to podcasts: https://youtu.be/UzsYXklIFIY?si=miAE2rQHwhUayaGy